


Upholding Beliefs

by writersblock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Religious Content, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersblock/pseuds/writersblock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel was just like any other person. He wanted to leave his mark on the world. He wanted to change the world. He wanted to be remembered for great things. But just like everyone else, he didn't know how to accomplish that. No one really did. But he found something that was much better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Upholding Beliefs

**Author's Note:**

> This is a ficlet based off of a playlist given to me. The playlist is linked in the story! c:

[PLAYLIST](http://8tracks.com/hannah-m-c-doherty/lost-faith-and-stolen-grace)

Castiel was just like any other person. He wanted to leave his mark on the world. He wanted to change the world. He wanted to be remembered for great things. But just like everyone else, he didn't know how to accomplish that. No one really did.

But he tried.

God knows he tried.

He was nice. And despite how hard that was for most, he did that. Perhaps more so than he should, but he did. He was kind and giving. He'd give the shirt right off his back to someone in need. He was patient, he was humble, and he was sweet. He was all of those things and more.

Castiel was smart. Because you're supposed to be smart. You're supposed to educate yourself and learn about the vast opportunities and seek the unknown. That was what a smart person did. At least that had been what he was told since he was born.

Be obedient, don't cause trouble, and keep your mouth shut— hold that tongue but make an impact. Do great things, soar your wings but hold back, don't be pretentious. Utilize your full potential...but don't be better than this or better than that.

All the mixed signals but no resolve.

And he did that. Castiel did every last one of those rules that were instilled in him and look where it landed him.

Confused, stressed, lost, scared, and held up so high on the highest, shakiest pedestal.

And _alone_.

He was _alone_.

_”You’re too smart, do you think you're better than everyone else? Too nice, you must have an ulterior motive. Too kind, it's not normal. You're up to something. Devious minds lead devious lives, Castiel.”_

It was never enough and honestly, there was only so much one person could take.

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel went through his life as a sheltered, controlled, child. Minding his P's and Q's. Following direction well and doing as his family demanded. His family was prominent in the church. His father was a preacher and his mother was a strict Christian woman who was far harder on him than his father. There was no room for mistakes.

Any mistakes.

Even pretty mistakes that had big green eyes. Mistakes that had freckles that dusted cheeks like the stars dusted the galaxy. Mistakes that called him beautiful. Mistakes that held him close and whispered, _"angel, you're perfect because of your faults"._ Mistakes that showed you how to live. Mistakes that breathed life into your soul for the very first time. Mistakes that loved you for you. Mistakes that were truly blessings.

Mistakes by the name of Dean Winchester.

Dean who lived across the street from his home. Dean who he wasn't allowed to talk to. Dean who found a way.

They had been neighbors since Castiel was seven when they first moved to Kansas. His father had opened up a new church there so of course they uprooted from Chicago. But the first day that he had saw Dean, he just knew.

And so did his mother.

_”Stray away from temptation Castiel. God will not have mercy on your soul. Your wicked ways will send you straight to hell. Be a good boy of Christ. Be a good boy.”_

So he did as he was told.

Until Dean spoke to him.

_”You have pretty eyes. I'm Dean, can we be friends?”_

His mother was wrong. Dean wasn't the devil. Dean wasn't evil. Dean wasn't out to ruin him. Dean was NOT a mistake. Dean Winchester was sweet. Dean was nice. Dean was _living_ and not just _existing_. Dean smiled like the sun smiled at the earth. Dean laughed like a million waves crashing into the sand. Dean was warm. Dean was a blessing.

Dean was love.

His mother was wrong.

Dean washed away his doubt. Dean erased the pain. Dean gave him hope. Dean showed him another path.

_”Be the best that you can be. It's okay to fail, that's how you learn. You're gonna kill yourself, man. Just breathe and live today like it's your last. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, man.”_

And so he did.

He lived. 

 

* * *

 

 

He lived as best as he could with scolding eyes watching his every move. He lived with the negativity. He lived with the harsh words and teachings. He lived with feeling like he had ended the world. He lived with every single punishment that came his way because he sought out his happiness.

But he also lived with sweet moments and soft kisses with the one person who understood him. He lived with hand holding, long embraces. Castiel lived with early mornings, long walks, and shaky confessions. He lived with the one who saved him.

And at the end of the day, that was really all that mattered. Because no one could take his happiness away from him again.

"Shh, if we get caught, I'm pretty sure your mom will stab me in the back with a cross." Dean whispered against Castiel's cheek.

"That isn't funny, Dean. She would really do that." He whispered back.

Dean huffed and dragged his hands down the teen's sides. "It would be worth it." With another soft kiss and a few more gropes, Dean was sliding down Castiel's body. "You sure you wanna do this?"

"Yes. Of course."

Dean smirked and tugged down Castiel's boxers and glanced up one last time before dropping his head.

_“It's a sin, Castiel. Stray away from evil. Stray away from temptation!”_

"I love you." He moaned lowly, threading his fingers through Dean's hair.

Castiel loved Dean like the moon loved the sun. Castiel loved Dean like the gardens loved the water. He loved Dean like the night sky loved the gazers down below.

And it was mutual.

Dean loved Castiel like the skin loved and craved the touch. He loved Castiel like the leaves loved the breeze.

Dean loved how Castiel felt. He loved how he tasted, how he sounded, and how he was just there— open arms and open heart.

He just loved him.

His fallen angel who in fact never fell.

And he loved him many years after they were free.

Gone and free together.


End file.
